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Joan Rivers Quotes
«Never admit that your back goes out more than you do.»
«Whenever there's a new baby in my family, even if I don't know who the father is, I display pictures of it. But only one or two per child. No one wants to see 37 pictures of your grandchild - which is also why you must never carry more than one picture of each grandchild in your wallet.»
«Get a pet, an animal you will love and one that will love you in return. In your home, there should be something besides the rugs to take care of. Get a pet that will stain those rugs and you'll have a happier home.»
«We were hoping to meet Mr. Right. We didn't even get a wink.»
«I am going into alligator alley.»
«Your anger can be 49 % and your comedy 51 %, and you're okay. If the anger is 51 %, the comedy is gone.»
«He is so short, he may be here today. Look under the tables.»
«You could have had Rosie O'Donnell here to talk about how to be straight. Like no one knew she was gay.»
«How could she not be happy? She was tall, thin, gorgeous and rich, rich, rich, with a husband who didn't want to sleep with her, two normal children and she had a crown.»
«I was not a pretty child. I developed humor to be accepted.»